12 Four Hands, One Heart

It’s been way too long since I’ve posted anything here.  I see by my last post, that this will be somewhat of a variation on a theme, which wasn’t my intent.  Call it an update on my life after a year or a bit more of trying to put this into practice in my life.

As I look back on the past year+ since I did post, it has been miraculous, to put a name on it.  While I am certainly not a perfect paragon of gratitude, it’s the first thing I’ve committed to doing consistently in some time.  The results have been rather astounding.

First of all, the one thing I’ve noticed about it, is that it becomes like a cascade reaction…one thing leading into several others.  For an example, finding inspiration through the actions and attitudes of others in ways you might not expect.  I have a friend who is dying of cancer, which would make one would think I should be sad about it.  I am.  On the other hand, I am finding inspiration from his positive attitude, despite what he is facing.  I won’t even attempt to speak for him here, but it seems that he has found his own reasons for being grateful, certainly due to his point of view as his life, at least as he knows it, about to be over.  While I hate the fact that I may never see him in this world again, I’m certainly happy for his transformation, and his spirit, which will never die. Though as we’ve said already to each other, this isn’t goodbye, just ‘see you later’.

I’ve tried putting myself in his situation, and asked myself if I could still be able to express gratitude.  I suppose it’s kind of an intellectual exercise, because I’m not in that situation.  I want to be able to say yes, I could.  I probably won’t know, at least for some time whether I can answer that question in the affirmative.  On the other hand, I can take comfort in the fact that he is going out as the warrior he has always been, and Valhalla will be better for it.

On the opposite extreme… well I’ve been single for a very long time.  By choice really, as I won’t be with someone just to have someone in my life.  This is how divorce happens.  I can tell you a bit about that, as I have earned that particular T-shirt in life.  That is, as they say, a closed chapter in my life.  The old adage, ‘when you stop looking is when you find The One’ has probably never been so true as it has become recently for me.  Honestly, I was quite content with my single person status.  My life is pretty amazing, with a great job, lots of free time and many amazing friends who are all very important to me.  The funny thing about gratitude, is that it leaves room in your life for better things to come your way.  About the time I was thinking to myself…”Self, you really have a pretty good life don’t you?”, the Universe of course, just laughs because it has other plans.   The thing is, they manifest more quickly if you leave room for them.  Gratitude does that.

Well, along comes…someone, who shall remain nameless on this blog, but those of you who know me, know who that is already.  What I haven’t said about him, is how much he complements me (no, not compliment, though he does that too), how much of like mind he and I are, and how different we also are that makes it more interesting.  Not even sure if I can put the rest into words that won’t drive  you all into a frenzy of searching for insulin and a toothbrush to avoid cavities… so I won’t try.  I knew the second I laid eyes on him (which was some time after we talked forever about everything) that I Knew.  He’ll be reading this at some point, so all I will say is that I love you very much.

So much for my old life. Things are changing, and I couldn’t be happier.  I was sort of afraid that I wouldn’t be suitable for anyone after being single for so long.  Well, I left that particular gap in my life unfilled, and yet by remaining grateful for what I did have, the Universe decided that wasn’t good enough.  I’m embracing the changes, and looking forward to what is to come.  He’s just amazing and for that I am eternally grateful for whatever powers brought us together.  We should all be so fortunate.

I need to give credit to Steve Walker, an artist unknown to me, for the picture in this blog post, the title of which is Four Hands, One Heart.  Wherever you are Steve, thank you for putting what I am feeling into this image.